Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Day One: So far so good

Last night was our first night keeping baby Cooper! (His mom and older siblings are visiting their dad and moving back furniture) What fun it is to have a 5 month old around the house. He is so funny....giggling out loud, following every move we make and trying to grab and talk at everything! We have really enjoyed him for our first night. He went to sleep fine, he was a little uneasy a couple times during the night, but I am sure that is because he was in an odd place...and to take care of this problem all you have to do is replace his passy and swaddle him back tight! Easy Cheesy! This age is priceless and I couldn't ever imagine how much I would love a nephew!
Talking all baby talks brings up a subject that I never blogged about. Most of the readers read about my miscarriage I had back in July. It was horrible. The worst pain I have ever been through and pain that sticks with you forever. For those of you who have never experienced a miscarraige, be grateful because I honestly thing it is pain that never leaves. For those that have I feel your pain. Nate and I were egger to try again, maybe too soon! We were pregnant again by September only to learn that I miscarried again in October. You think you had heard the worse news ever the first time the doctor talked to us about miscarring, wait till you hear it twice. I won't elebrate because I still can't talk about it. Actually nobody knew we were pregnant the second time, not even family. So I was in a very low place after I learned we had miscarried again. I had surgery in October. My doctor here in Cape, MO thought it would be best to do all the testing after 2 miscarriages. They usually don't test until after three, but I will feel better after test are ran and if there is a problem it needs to be fixed.
So here we are now, testing! Testing everything under the sun...procedure after procedure and I swear I have lost half my blood count after all the blood that has been taken. So far nothing has been found that is causing it but there are still more test to run. We hope to also take a trip to St.Louis within the next month to test up there.
When I started this blog entry it was intended to tell my story at all, I don't want pity, I just thought maybe you should know. At first it was hard to be happy for others that were glowing and pregnant, it was hard to pass someone with that baby bump or even be around others with new babies. Its hard to think of people giving up their kids, its hard to imagine people hurting their kids, heck its even hard for me to understand parents beign mad at their kids....these things make me so mad that I could scream. As bad as this sounds, you just want something so bad, something you have tried for and it seems everyone else has it. But I am better now, I can be happy for others...the pain is still there but I know in my heart we will be parents. I really am happy for others and I am so happy that they are bringing a baby in the world, I just want that too. I want the morning sickness ( I would not gripe), I want to be waken up every hour to feed, I want to get fat and maybe not even loose the baby weight afterwards( I wouldn't care), I want the fits and screaming and being late for work because the kid(s) wouldn't listen! I can't wait till that happens.
I guess having a little one around to watch and take care of these next couple of days just makes me realize how I can't wait till all these test are done so we can have a baby of our own! But Nate and I know God is looking out for us, he has gotten us through this so far and we know he will bring us great things! We are being patient, he will bless us and we know he wants us to be parents...my gosh we would be great! So go home and kiss your kids because sometimes its not as easy as just getting "knocked up"! Some people try a lot harder and have battles to beat before they are blessed. So never take it for granted. I will go home tonight and Cooper will be there to entertain us and give us join and I know God has a plan and now that my story is out I will be sure to keep everyone up on how my testing is going!
P.S. If anyone out there has similar stories or has had trouble I would love to hear your story. Maybe we just tried to soon? Maybe my body needed time to rest from the first one (which I know is common to miscarry once). Maybe its something small, any insight on any of this will sure help!

11 comments:

Nicole said...

Kara,

I've struggled with this for a long time. I know you are so eager for a baby, but I'm going to tell you something I wish someone would have told me, please, please, give yourself (both mentally and physically) some time to heal. I think my problems to conceive can all be linked back to the consecutive numbers of miscarriages I had over a three year period (this stays here, no one outside this post knows the extent of my fertility problems). The constant flux of hormones and my pregnant/not pregnant/pregnant again/not pregnant/etc. uterus couldn't take the constant up and downs. It threw my body off in a way that it never recovered from.

The high levels of hormones led to ovarian cysts and fibroids. I also had an etopic that left scar tissue behind so my right tube is blocked. And you know a couple years ago I had a ovarian cyst that ruptured and then turned septic and nearly put me in the ICU. And that week and half in the hospital was no fun.

There you go, you have the infertility woes of your Aunt Nicole. We decided not to go further with any treatments, making adoption our plan A. Soooo, take some time, get your body prepared and go from there.

April said...

Your issue with this sounds almost identical to mine that I had before Kacie. Kacie was my third pregnancy but as you know, I only have her.(no one knew of our second pregnany either, my mom found out in the delivery room when I went into labor with Kacie...oops!) I miscarried in October 2001 and then again October 2002 so it was really hard. Then I got pregnant the following January adn the only way I knew was because my periods were messed up. You should wait a little while but about 3 months should be okay. My doctor told me that it is actually more common than what ppl think for a young woman to have a couple miscarriages before actual having success. Just dont get discouraged about it, it WILL happen! If there is anything I can help you on, let me know. I mean I am not a doctor or anything, but I have been through this first hand and kow all about the pain, both physically and emotionally.....just let me know.

Teisha said...

Kara, I'm so sorry about your pain. I just wanted to take a moment & thank you for the blog. I think we all need a wake up call every once in awhile. I wish you the best.

Ashley said...

Hang in there girl. At least you know you CAN get pregnant. Hopefully they can figure out what is causing the miscarriages. I know how discouraging it is, it seemed like it took me forever to get pregnant, then the miscarriage, but it will all be worth it when you finally have a baby. And remember if that is not in God's plan their are other options. Let me know if you need anything, even if its just an ear to listen. And definitely keep us updated. I have been wondering.

Mika said...

As you know, I am one of those who just got "knocked up". It was a little too simple for me! :)

All jokes aside, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Cooper saved my life..literally..I was on a road of destruction. Nobody really knows how bad I really was except for me, but I was an alcoholic..BAD. The only thing that got me sober, was being pregnant. Now, everyday he keeps me sober and keeps me living.

Keep your head up. It will happen when the time is right. If not, I'll be a seragate :) I'll get fat for you anyday.

Sweet Simplicity said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you again. I'm glad you decided to share it. I was worried about you those months following the miscarriage. I hope you get some good news soon from your test results. Keep us updated!

Hannah said...

Kara..my BFF!

I'm glad you shared your story. It can only help you heal by talking about it! I can't pretend that I know how hard this must be for you, all I can do is let you know that I will ALWAYS be here for you! I love you like one of my sisters, and I know that this WILL happen for you! God has a plan, and it will all pan out soon! I love you so much! Remember to call me or come over anytime you need a friend!!!!

Mrs. Zachary Evans said...

Kara, I know how you feel, and I'm sure you know that I do. It was a big thing you shared this story, I know how hard it was for you to do that. It will make the healing process easier. I definitely understand the being upset when you find out people are pregnant, I remember how I felt when I found out Nikki was pregnant, it was awful. I felt awful for feeling that way, but it's a natural feeling. I'm sure you know that God has a plan, and I'm just now understanding that, Zach and I have been trying and no luck yet. So all you can do is keep praying and have patience, and hopefully they will find something in those tests, if not just know that it will happen. If you need anything, anything at all, you know where I'm at. I know we're not real close, but if you do need to just vent, I'm here for you. Hang in there!

Michele said...

Kara,
I was reading your post last night, I got just past the part about wanting the late nights and the screaming kids and all that, and then I hear my daughter start puking in her bed. It was by far the most violent and graphic vomit I have ever come across as a parent but that's another story...I just wanted to tell you that I was more patient with the situation than I normally would be, b/c I kept thinking about you and how badly you want to be a mom. So, just know that you are touching lives as you write your blog!

Amy said...

Im a bit behind on my gr....busy busy busy.

anyway,just wanted to say hang in there, i have a few friends going through this right now, and it definetly scares me that it will happen to us when we start trying.

There are tons of test, and they don't seem fun but hopefuly they will find why and get to the root of it all. I agree with soneone that said, give yourself--mind and body time to heal. i think blogging about it helps....good luck!!!!

Jin said...

Oh, Kara. I have no idea what it's like. I'm sure it hurts in a hundred different ways.

When you do have kids, you will be an amazing mother- not just because you are so eager, and not just because you are having trouble getting there. You (seem) laid back and able to take things in stride. You are extremely loving, you are patient with the kids, creative and thoughful. AND you already know the importance of naps!

Just roll on with what God has planned for you.

When you do get there, half the fun will be watching Nathan figure it all out! I can already hear him- "ah, hell, he's throwing up" "ah, hell, he just peed on his own face!"

There will be a day when you and I are dragging seven kids through Target! Then, obviously eating at O'charleys, outnumbered by booster seats!