Life is crazy...I want a slow down, rewind and stop button. Tucker is talking more, doing different things everyday and I do good just to keep my head above water. Just when I think I can go home and play with him and enjoy his kisses and him poking out my eye, the laundry stares at me...the juice I spilled last week is still sticking to the kitchen floor.... and lets not forget about the spare room that I can't walk into because it scares me to know whats in there.
Working and mothering is hard. BUT I chose to do it. I WANT to do it. Lets face it, I dont budget well and I am not sure I could ever budget (money). I want my own money. I chose to work and I accepted this choose. Honestly, I am scared of struggles and I dont want to. (not that we dont b/c even with 2 jobs it happens). This might sound crazy, but my husband and I dont share the same money. GASP I know....this will save us from divorce later in life..promise. I make mine, he makes his somehow it work for everyone. I love my job..I love my work family BUT BUT BUT...there are so many buts...
Am I missing out on the best years of Tucker's life?? Am I missing out on parks, lunch dates and such? (Who i am kidding..if I didn't work there would be no lunch dates. ha!) I have so much concern that the chooses I make will affect Tucker. Am I not paying enough attention to him when I get home b/c I am running around crazy trying to cook, clean and all the things that I could get done during the day if I didn't work?
Then I remember...my mom worked. We were still loved the same. We still grew up normal. None of us had 3 eyes because she worked. She didn't have to work, she chose to work. She wanted to work to provide things for us ....special things. We are all normal. We are all very very close even though she worked. I can do this. I can handle this....I can work. I can enjoy work. I just have to remember the laundry will be there tomorrow and I can play today.
(I have had to really struggle with my OCD issues and putting them aside and cleaning the house while Tucker sleeps instead of rushing in the house and getting things done. Yes I finally cleaned the juice up..but even if I didn't....I had fun with my son)
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