Friday, August 15, 2008

I don't think I ever told

I don't think I ever let anyone know that my HCG levels are back at zero......what does that mean u body is back to normal after my miscarriage and we are free to try again. I actually found this out last week but it is still hard to write about at times so I waited to tell. Dr. Carns checked my levels every week until they reached zero and she said we where good to go. I am excited/anxious/scared/frustrated/emotional all at once. I have heard many people had to wait one month/3 months until they could start trying again, and that scares me b/c mine has only been a month. If/when we find out we are so blessed again to be expecting I will not be letting the cat of the bag. It will be sooo hard b/c all you want to do is scream about it. I will wait till after an ultrasound with a heartbeat for sure! If/when we are expecting again it will be one emotional rollercoaster. I am just hoping the excitement will over ride the nervousness. I worry now all the time about it so I can only imagine how much I will worry after we see those 2 pink lines. I might as well get used to it though b/c I am sure the worrying will never end even after they are grown :)
These last 2 months have been an emotional rollarcoaster that I wasn't prepared for. The first couple of days after I announced I had miscarried it hadn't sank in yet. I didn't break down until a couple days later. The pain is unbareable physically and emotionally. I didn't think I would break down and cry as much as I did. After the physical pain stopped my emotional pain stuck around the whole time my levels were falling. Not only was I emotionally scared but nobody could do anything to help.....Nathan couldn't even help me out at that point. I just needed my own time to cope and move on. I know God has a great reason and I believe it happened b/c he knew it was right. I had also not realized how many others were in my shoes until they heard of my news. To those who know...its an unexplainable feeling to describe to anyone else. The power of pray I truely believe in so please say a couple as we begin the emotional journey again. I can't wait to begin a blog based on a pregnancy.
I just thought I would post this blog b/c I never told anyone the whole story. Thanks for listening!


April said...

Glad to hear that your levels are back to zero AND that you are going to start trying again. I went through this 2 times before it actually happened for us. When I got pregnant the third time, I didnt find out til I was around 3 months but we didnt tell anyone til I was almost 5 due to the same reasons you are thinking. We thought, no one is going to believe us, we will jinx it, maybe we should wait til we are completely out of the first trimester so that we know it is okay, on and on! It will happen as it is supposed too so really all you can do is pray and go with it. I will keep you in my prayers as you and your husband start your journey and hope everything works out for you guys!

Michele said...

I had no idea I was so far behind on your blog! Now I'm caught up and I'm going to call Jin and find out where their home is.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine how hard it would be to go through a miscarriage. I'll be thinking and praying for you as you continue on your TTC journey!